AN EXTREMELY LOOSE USE OF THE WORD

The menu.

Locally questionable. Seasonally available.
Prepared by whoever lost the argument.

PADDY’S FINE-ISH DINING

Something to eat.

HOUSE SPECIALTIESNO SUBSTITUTIONS. OR CHEF.

$12

Frank’s emotional-support ham. Has spent more time at sea than our seafood.

PLEASE DO NOT TAKE IT ON A RAFT.

$18

Charlie’s signature order. Served with a side of jelly beans and an explanation that makes it worse.

THE CHEF HAS REQUESTED ANONYMITY.

For trying times. Sourced from Frank’s pocket. The market price is emotional.

A sandwich with a philosophy. Peanut butter, cheese, butter, and chocolate. Charlie insists the arrangement matters.

Frank would like you to focus on the value and stop asking about the packaging.

VEGAN OPTIONS: There’s a door.

THE PART WE ALMOST UNDERSTAND

BEHIND THE BARASK AT YOUR OWN RISK

Cold. Usually. If you want a tasting flight, flap your arms on the way out.

For discreet drinking and very visible problems. Frank calls it innovation.

The official beverage of two men who should never have been allowed to start a beverage company.

BY BODYGUARDS. FOR BODYGUARDS.

$15

Dennis chose the name, the price, and the lighting under which you may drink it.

$0*

From a tap we feel reasonably good about.

*FRANK IS REVIEWING THIS PRICING.

Happy hour ends when the Gang starts fighting.
So technically, we have never had one.

This is a fictional menu. Orders, payments, and reasonable accommodations are not being accepted by this imaginary establishment.